Using a network to help me effect change sounds great, but what if I don’t know the right people?

 

Well, the whole point of building relationships is so that you do know the right people. But the more specific your goals are, the more effective you’ll be at identifying the kind of people you need to surround yourself with to be successful; so get clarity around your goals. Then clearly identify the kind of people you want to meet. The next step is alignment. Align the individuals you already know and ask them who they might know that you want to meet. And once you meet them, stay in touch, follow up without fail, and keep those contacts strong.

 

What if I used to know the right people but I haven’t been in touch with them for years? How can I reconnect?

 

Call them, for gosh sakes! There’s nothing wrong with reaching out to somebody very authentically and saying to them, “You know, it’s been a long time, and I’ve lost touch and I really feel badly about that. I’d like to be back in touch.” Now if you reach out to somebody and you haven’t been in touch for 20 years and you’re asking them for something, then that really draws into question whether you’re looking for a relationship or whether you’re looking for a transaction.

 

Once I’ve got my network, how can I make it work for me?

 

“How can your network help you” is not the right question. You have not earned the right to ask people in your network to help you unless you have focused on a relationship with deep generosity. Ask yourself: What can you do to help them be more successful? If you’ve got clarity around what your goals are and you put that out to people in the process of asking what their goals are, people will help you fulfill your goals.

 

Let’s say I teach in an elementary school. I want to make a change that goes against the grain of the way things have always been done. What are some tips for building bridges when your ideas go against the grain of the group you’re actually trying to connect with?

 

It doesn’t matter whether it’s in the elementary school where you teach or if it’s in the high-tech company that you work for, or even in your own family. Let people know how much you care about the bigger mission, how much you care about all of their success, not just yours. If your ideas are only of service to you or your political ideology, or your turf battles, etc., chances are you’re going to be pushing a wet noodle up a big hill. You’ve got to figure out how your wish for change is of service to the bigger task.

 

The whole idea of networking reminds me of an after-hours business card exchange where everyone’s selling things I don’t really need. Does networking really work? And if so, how?

 

Well, if what you’re talking about is traditional networking, then no, it doesn’t work. At the end of the day, what you’re really trying to do is create real relationships, not build a Rolodex—that means nothing. What matters is: Do you have a mission in this world and do you care about fulfilling it with and through other people?

 

How much time a week should I be spending building relationships?

 

You probably should be spending most of your time building relationships. For everything that you sell, you’re building relationships. If you’re a leader asking people to follow you, you’re building relationships in the process. Relationships will make you more successful and they’ll make you more joy-filled. So find the time for it, because you deserve it.

 

Aside from helping me find people to support my goal, what are some other benefits of relationship building?

 

If you seek out in the world to build deep relationships around a mission of importance to you and it’s something that really makes a difference in this world, not only will you be more successful—I’ll promise you that—but along the way you’ll be bounding out of bed, working with people that you care about, because you’re excited and you feel fulfilled. Not even because of the mission itself, but because of the people who are part of the input.

 

How does Walden’s social change mission fit into all of this?

 

There are no greater changes than changes that are core to our belief systems and core to our behaviors. I believe that shareholder value, personal self-interest, and the shareholder’s self and society all can come together with a shared set of initiatives, and that happens through people trusting each other. That only happens through people trusting each other.

 

 

 

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